I have trouble with vulnerability, and even my journal is missing pieces of my narrative. But I want to write out my story as I remember it. I've supressed so much sometimes I forget the girl I was and how far I have come
When I was a little girl I was told I was too sensitive. I've always had this deep rooted feeling that I am weird and unacceptable. I have countless memories of me getting worked up about things, and truly was crying out for attention, which only made me more isolated. I was a perfectionist and could not handle even the slightest of failures. In kindergarten I got my color moved to yellow twice the entire year and when my teacher complimented my good behavior I reminded her that I was in fact not perfect and I had done bad things.
Audrey lived in the house diagonally behind me and was the first friend that every fully accepted me for who I was. We were the most hilarious duo (only we thought this). She lived on the Cul De Sac and played with the kids on Albion Rd. One day the kids were picking on me and she ditched the group to hang out with me. We were inseperable for the next decade. We would play minecraft for hours after school and then get into physcial altercations like brothers, we watched horribly innaprorpiate youtube videos, and played fantage, and made video stars, and knocked on the neighbor's doors to donate ingredients to bake with. Can't forget the infamous cornbread cake and the cookies that ended up with a few strands of hair in them. She was there when I shit worms and I helped drag her out of the lake when she sliced her foot open. She was my childhood. She grew up faster than me. We drifted in high school when I couldn't quite hang with the cool kids. I was a try hard and I was insecure and I thought everyone knew something I didn't. Like it was embaressing to have my peers witness my first sip of alcohol or my first crush. We drifted apart but I love her to this day.